Daniel My Brother

I woke up at a loss for words.  That wouldn’t necessarily be bad as I tend to be wordy, but on a day when you’re supposed to know what to say it’s a problem.  That night at youth group I’d been asked to talk to my friend Daniel about a big change in his life.  It was time for him to graduate out of our group and into other opportunities—something I knew he wouldn’t be happy about. Like his peers he’s glad to be done with school but letting go […]

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50 Shades Wiser

IMG_1615[1] Buddy's Dish

My Mom was the first to tease me today with an over-the-hill joke and my brother quickly followed on her heels. I took it well though but prior to this I’d been dreading the big day for this reason. I knew the jokes were coming. I told some friends I was out with last week when they asked that I just wanted to get it over with. I smiled when I said it but there was a pit in my stomach—just talking about it at dinner made me nauseous. I […]

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Looks Like

After breakfast when Buddy started circling my feet I knew he was hoping a walk was in the plan.  It’s hard to say no to his bearded face but I wanted to.  I’d woken up exhausted. The boys noticed it. When Luke asked me how I’d slept I said, “Not very well.” “Why?” he asked. “I have a lot on my mind,” I said. “Are you worried about something?” “Oh yeah.” “What?” he asked. “You.” A wide-eyed silence fell between us while he decided if he wanted to ask another […]

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The Right Word At the Right Time

We were rolling out our mats when the lady next to me said, “I hate the long holds.” I laughed knowing that’s what we were in for. “I don’t mind anymore,” I said trying to be upbeat.  “I had an MRI yesterday and when the tech pulled me out of the tube she asked if I did yoga.  When I said yes, she said she thought that was why I was able to be still for so long.  Yep, I’m good at corpse pose I told her.” With that I […]

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A Year to Remember

2014 Pennies

“This is a year to forget!” he wrote in his message.  When I first read it I laughed.  Rick with his perfect mix of humor and compassion had nailed it.  The saying “when it rains it pours” has come to mind often in the last year.  Between my health and my kid’s it’s been a physically and emotionally challenging year to say the least. When his message arrived, it was four weeks post-op and life without my gallbladder wasn’t going so well. Gone were the problems I’d struggled with before, […]

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The sun had set hours before but I was insistent that everything on my list would be checked off.  Two more things stood in the way of getting into the shower—the birds and the flower pots. Both chores I could have delegated, but when I get in white tornado mode I don’t tend to ask for help The flower pots had to be watered but the birds really could have gone without.  It’s summertime and there are plenty of other food sources for them.  Knowing this I played a mental […]

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Leave A Light On

I could feel the tears—the one’s I swore I wouldn’t shed—start forming in my throat.  I didn’t want to get choked-up.  Today was a happy day from Luke’s perspective.  He was leaving for a dream come true summer job in California.  Having your Mom cry when you’re 20 is embarrassing. The irony was that if he’d been leaving the night before I would’ve said, “Don’t let the door hit you on the way out,” because the kid is driving me crazy.  I couldn’t seem to hold on to that emotion […]

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Pertinent Negatives

I felt my stomach flop when I walked in the room.  The radiology technician was mixing the goo I’d be drinking soon.  I didn’t expect the container to be so big. “I’m not sure I wanted to see that,” I said.  “That’s for me right?” “Yep” he said. “It’s pretty nasty isn’t it?” “It’s not too bad.  It tastes like Tums.” “Yeah but you don’t drink Tums you chew them,” I said. He laughed and went on to show me the whole tray of cocktails he’d be serving me for […]

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Not A Dream

I spent the morning reading.  Burying my nose in my books seemed like the best way to keep myself quietly busy.  It was my second doctor ordered fast of the week. “Nothing to eat or drink after midnight,” the nurse kept repeating while she underlined it on the instructions first with a pen and then neon as if emphasizing it once wasn’t enough. I hate yellow highlighters I thought. I opted for my Bible first before grabbing one of the many other books on my side table.  I decided to […]

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An Awfully Big Adventure


“Wow,” I can’t believe he’s 18,” she said.  Her text message a reply to one I’d sent earlier in the day telling her about a surprise party for Chase.  Angela’s boys know him from youth group.  They’d been out of town when we were getting invitations out and I wanted to make sure they knew about it. All the middle and high school kids at church had been invited.  One of the perks of being involved as a leader is that you can influence the schedule a little.  When I’d […]

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