This morning in my quiet time I continued to meditate on the concept of love.  This has been my devotional theme for a week now and I get the sense I’m just scratching the surface with my understanding of love as the deepest thing of God. 

It’s not a matter of me questioning God’s love for me or my love for God.  What I’m searching for is how to describe love.  With the girls that I’ve been ministering to lately lots of questions about love come up - romantic love, brotherly love, unconditional love, loving your neighbor, loving your friends or loving a man.   Questions abound and for a very loving person I’m not very adept at describing love.

I’ve always wanted God’s love for me and my love for God to be what distinguishes me as a believer.  We live in a world where genuine love is elusive.  It’s a feeling that comes and goes and is completely subject to shifting circumstances.  God’s love is the same yesterday, today and forever and I want my life to reflect that. 

As I’ve been thinking about love the word that comes to mind is integrity.   Integrity is defined as the quality of possessing and then steadfastly adhering to high moral principles.  What resonates for me here is that a person can’t truly love other people unless it comes from a place of integrity.  Genuine love requires integrity.Interestingly one of the adjectives we use to describe love is steadfast.  We use this word because we want love to be unwavering.  We want love to include affection, intimacy, and sometimes physical desire but more than anything we want love to be stable and dependable.  When someone promises to love you what they are saying is you can count on their integrity.  They have sworn an oath and will keep it even if it hurts.  The scriptures say, “Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.”  (John 15:13)This passage speaks to sacrifice, commitment, and loyalty.  These are the characteristics of integrity.  It’s doing for other as you would have them do for you.  It’s fulfilling your commitments.  Integrity starts in the heart in response to God’s love.  Jesus, after all, did what He said He would do.  He put content into the word love by showing people what love looks like not how it feels.  If you were to describe how love feels quite often you would have to speak about the pain of loving.This is because sacrifice typically hurts.  It’s difficult to be persistently patient especially with irritating people.  Love is patient though.  It’s difficult to surrender your will to the will of others but love is self-sacrificing.  God’s plan was that we live with Him in the perfect world He created but man chose his own will over Gods.  So He sacrificed part of himself to restore the relationship.  We tend to be willing to give up things that are easy to let go of not a part of ourselves.Often love requires a stretch that you can feel in every emotional muscle you have.  So you stretch and with time your soul strength grows as you mature in relationship with people.  Loving people pushes them into their future and pulls you into yours.  You have to be flexible to love.   Love dictates that we promote others instead of ourselves and build bonds of peace.  Again this is something that is especially hard in relationship with people you might not always like.  It’s actually easier to be quarrelsome than to be a peacemaker.  Making peace requires negotiation.  Bickering and taking offense do not.Love is passionate and powerful and thus requires energy we might not think we have but love is paramount and so the energy must be found.   Falling into love doesn’t take much effort but venturing into love does.  If you aren’t spending any energy loving someone I wonder about the depth of the relationship? For all these reasons love absolutely does require integrity.  You have to be committed to the work of it even when it hurts or you will never experience the potential joy of it.  If you define it by how it feels you will miss the point.  If you define love by its requirements you might hit the mark.  It is in the giving that we receive.  With integrity can you give of yourself the same way Jesus did and love?      

On the way to camp last week God provoked my thinking with a question.  It seemed out of place at the time but I jotted it down and all week it kept swirling through my head while I spent time with the Lord. The question was, “What are the deeper things of God?” 

I wrestled with this question in my reading, journaling, prayers, and during every free minute I had to think about it.  In the meantime, I was in the company of 10 girls amidst 400 other campers for a majority of the day learning all about the world from their perspective.  Trust me when I say that’s an experience!

For instance, I didn’t know that being “official” with a guy meant that you had an exclusive relationship.  Back in my day you were a “couple”.  Before that I think you went “steady” and before that you got “pinned”.  So, if you’re unofficial you can hang out with other guys.  You can even make-out with them and its okay because you aren’t “official”.  Being single I guess this is important stuff to know but it all seems so silly to me.

All week the girls are checking this guy out and that guy out and since none of the girls in my care are “official” with anyone its okay.  Of course they all have boys back home that they are calling from the pay phones but that’s another story.

What I saw in all this was the desperate need these girls have to be loved.  Sadly their value at high school age comes from what guy likes them, notices them, text messages them, etc.  They want to be loved and they will go to great lengths to be. 

Maybe it was this observation that finally helped me arrive at the answer to my question about the deeper things of God.  As I meditated on this question I just couldn’t answer it any other way than with one word – love.  Love is the essence of God’s nature and so love must simply be the deepest thing.

I couldn’t dismiss the boy chasing anymore as just silly age appropriate hormone driven behavior.  These girls are searching for something and they don’t know what it is but it has to be love.  Otherwise, why would you bother?  Really is it worth it? 

It’s a desperate search too.  Throughout the week several of the girls I talked to were so frustrated that the need to be in a relationship with a guy drove their lives.  They were ashamed of this need to be validated by a man.  They didn’t think it was right but they can’t shake the belief that their worth comes from men versus God.  In their worldview you have to be loved by a man to be worth something. 

It broke my heart because this is such a dangerous proposition.  When you are searching for love in all the wrong places you are only going to find the wrong kind of love.  What these girls want is the deeper thing but what they will get is the surface thing.  Boys are not ready to lay down their lives for a girl.  They aren’t even ready to lay down their cell phones to have a real conversation.  

How we arrive at this sad state is a conversation that would take pages to have.  The bottom line is that girls, and therefore it’s safe to say women, are searching for the deeper things of God.  These things are not found in man.  Of course for men the same observation is true but they are more likely to be seeking love through accomplishment versus relationship like women do.  The deeper things of God are only found in relationship with Him experiencing His agape (unconditional) love in our lives.   

Certainly earthly relationships can offer a living metaphor of God’s love for us - but meaningful relationships only exist between people whose self image and worth are tied to the image of God not man.  If your worth comes from the world then you can only love as the world loves and that is conditionally.  If your worth comes from your accomplishments you can only love when you are successful.  However, if your worth comes from God you can love unconditionally and be loved unconditionally.  These are the deeper things of God. 

With this in mind, I wonder if maybe our search should be to truly discover God’s love for us rather than finding someone to love us.  Then I think we are actually capable of loving and being loved and can “officially” experience through a relationship the deeper things of God.  Wouldn’t that be nice?! Two people together who feel, sense, and know God’s love for them and then share it with each other. 

If you’ve been following my blog for any length of time you might be picking up on the struggle I’m having with the idea of persevering in prayer.  It’s sad because if I look at just the life of my children I see so much fruit from years of praying for them that I should be far more encouraged by my prayer life than I am.

My oldest son and I just came back from Young Life camp.  A few years ago I would have never believed, for a variety of reasons, that he could handle a week that is so intense physically, emotionally, and spiritually but he did without any problems.   It was an awesome testimony to the power of prayer and God’s faithfulness in his life. 

Before we left for camp I was feeling discouraged.  I have far greater faith in my prayers for others than for myself and I had reached a point where I gave up.  I looked at the list of things I was fervently praying about for myself and crossed some things off the list telling the Lord I just couldn’t pray for those things anymore.  In the back of my head I questioned why I was in the first place and reasoned that my discernment was off. 

I packed my bags and headed off to camp (which I’ll write more about later) determined to refocus my prayer life.  I gave it a great effort but I wasn’t very successful.  I found myself waking up every morning feeling compelled to pray about those things I had just crossed off the list.    The harder I tried to let go the more I felt like I had to hold on.  The wrestling match in my mind and spirit was unbelievable. 

In the meantime, I was finding pennies right and left.  Before we left for camp I was actually thinking that this might be the week the pennies would stop.  It’s been almost two years now since I started finding them and I had this idea God would stop the penny thing.  Exactly the opposite happened.  When I added up all the spare change that I found and some my new “penny friends” found on the trip the total was 563 cents.  Today alone I found twenty pennies.  I wasn’t looking for any of them.    Everyone with me was as curious about this as I was.  It was getting ridiculous.  Spare change everywhere I went!

This evening while I was unpacking I felt compelled to stop and read from a new devotional that I have and here is what it said:

“Even though we do not make the petition perfectly, let us force ourselves to make it.  Does it cost us anything to ask for a great deal, since we are asking One who is powerful?  It would be shameful to ask a great emperor for a penny. “   - St. Teresa of Avila

I read this over and over and was completely humbled by it because I had given up asking for some of my hopes and dreams believing I was asking too much of God.  I had decided my prayers were unrealistic and that I was deceived to believe for them. 

With a pile of change on my countertop and most of it in the form of pennies I was reminded that God is greater than my limited understanding.  It’s not wrong for me to ask but it is wrong for me to limit Him.  I am to leave the giving to His will since I have given Him my will. 

Daily I ask God to align my hopes and dreams with His good and perfect will for my life but when I wasn’t seeing the fruit from my prayers I threw in the towel and decided that I was deceived to believe for them. 

Penny by penny this last week God proved his point.  Jesus said, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.  For everyone who asks receives; he who seeks finds; and to him who knocks, the door will be opened.  Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone?  Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake?  If you, then, though you are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those who ask Him!”  (Matthew 7:7-11)

Praying for and believing for Gods best for my children has been a gift I have been determined to give them but when it comes to myself I don’t have that same determination.  What about you?  Do you ask our great God for just a few things in your life or do you chase after Him asking for all your hopes and dreams?   If pennies were a metaphor for your hopes and dreams would you ask for just some spare change or all the change you need and then some? 

For a parent one of the greatest joys you can experience is watching the God consciousness of your children grow.  My youngest son asked for a study Bible this summer because he wanted to learn more about God.  Not only did he want a Bible but he wants to systematically go through it.  I wanted to start with Job but he wanted to start with Genesis so of course we did.   

After reading about Adam and Eve and the fall of man my little guy was heartbroken and felt so badly for Adam and Eve.  He was incredibly sad that they had separated themselves from God.   I was so touched by his sensitivity and concern for Adam and Eve.  I have never thought about how heartbreaking it must have been for them.  I’ve thought more about how heartbreaking it was for God.   

I’ve also thought a lot about the choice I would have made.  Even with the advantage of knowing the outcome I still think I would have made the same choice Eve did.  I say this because I know that I’m not immune to deception and I’ve made lots of bad choices in my life.  The blessing and curse of a free will is that we will make mistakes but authentic relationship requires the freedom to choose. 

 My son’s thoughts prompted me to wonder how Adam and Eve felt after they made “the big mistake” and were banished from the Garden of Eden.   I thought about the shame they must have felt.  All of a sudden being naked was a bad thing and then they got thrown out of paradise.  It had to be horribly lonely and they must have been fearful.  Life outside of paradise would be scary.

Adam and Eve now had to live with the thought that they would never make that same mistake again.  Memories of paradise lost are long forgotten.  Having something wonderful in your grasp and then losing it is hard to forget.  Regret is a horrible thing.  With regret you are constantly re-evaluating every decision you have ever made. 

Unfortunately this is a mindset the enemy exploits to the fullest.  He blackmails us with a voice that pretends to be wisdom.  He says, “Don’t do that you’ll get hurt.” Or, “If you make that choice it won’t go well for you.”   The voice in the back of our head telling us that the bad falls from the past will be repeated drowns out the voice of God which says, “You have a hope and a future!”*   It’s awful.  The idea that we have to protect ourselves actually ends up enslaving us.  The very things you long for become the things you will never have because you are so afraid of making a mistake. 

What happens when we listen to the voice of the enemy is isolation.  We let go of our hopes and dreams because it feels safer than pursuing them.  We believe that because we lost paradise once or maybe twice we can never have our Promised Land.  The few bad falls we’ve had justify our fears and render us incapable of reaching out toward the hope we are promised.  We think we’re playing it safe but what we’re really doing is risking everything.  We’re risking a life in our Promised Land.

It’s tragic.  Paradise lost doesn’t have to mean we don’t enter our Promised Land.  That wasn’t the case for the Israelites.  In fact, they could have entered quickly into their Promised Land if they had just listened to God.   They didn’t though and they let their fear lead them.  Just like Adam and Eve, based on their doubt, they chose not to be obedient and so they missed out on something wonderful.  Adam and Eve lost paradise and the Israelites circled in the desert for 40 years until they got to enter their Promised Land.  Yes, they eventually got there but it would have been so much simpler if they had just listened.  Fear and doubt had such a hold on them that they couldn’t bring themselves to be obedient. 

The same holds true for us.  What are you facing right now that requires you to make a choice?  Will you choose to be obedient even if it means conquering your fears or will you circle?  Will you let the memory of paradise lost nag at you or are you willing to claim the Promised Land God has for you?  The voice in the back of your head that is telling you to play it safe so you won’t get hurt again is the same voice that keeps you circling.  You’ll circle around and never enter your Promised Land because you’re afraid to.  Do you really want to live that way? 

God’s Plan A was for Adam and Eve to be obedient and they weren’t so he went to Plan B.  God’s Plan A for the Israelites involved obedience and they weren’t so he went to Plan B.  That’s how our free will works.  We can never reclaim paradise lost but we can enter our Promised Land without years of circling.  The choice is ours. 

*Jeremiah 29:11

Last week I was sharing with a friend the story about my childhood friend Tricia and how her life was dramatically changed in an instant.  June 4th marked 32 years since Tricia was hit by a car while running across the street. 

Over the years I’ve thought about Tricia’s accident and remembered it when June rolls around on the calendar but something this year just kept resonating with me.  I’m not sure what even prompted me to share the story but after I did my friend asked me, “What did you learn from the whole experience?” 

Nobody has ever actually asked me this when I’ve told them about the accident.  Typically people ask about how Tricia survived, what were the extent of her injuries, was the driver of the car arrested, and things along those lines. 

The irony for me with the question last week was that I had been feeling so discouraged that day.  I have been praying so long for some things and felt resigned to the idea they would not come to pass.  In the morning I woke up and told the Lord that I just couldn’t hang-in there any longer and continue in prayer with these matters.  I asked His forgiveness for my lack of faith and His mercy to release me from these burdens.  I questioned my discernment in believing I should be praying for them in the first place.

It was a hard day because I am a woman who really believes in the power of fervent and persistent prayer.  I live by the scripture, “Pray without ceasing.”  I’m human though and I get discouraged and I get tired and like anyone does I want to see fruit from my prayers.  I hate it when I give up.

My friend’s question brought back the memory of a summer spent in prayer for my friend Tricia.  It was the summer of 1976 and school had been out for a couple weeks when my Mom got the call about the accident.  I remember some details so vividly and others I don’t remember.  I had been with Tricia and another friend of ours Lori just before the accident and I was completely shocked.

I was 11 years old so some things I understood perfectly and others I didn’t but I knew it was really bad and Tricia might not survive.  I was distraught by this and that’s when my Mother and Grandmother modeled for me the only strategy a believer really has in that situation which is to gather in prayer.  We prayed, they prayed, I prayed and that prayer continued for weeks and months and while not as fervently it continued for years. 

Every day that I could I would go to the hospital and sit outside the Intensive Care unit and pray silently.  I would call the hospital before I went to bed and check on her condition and I would pray some more.  I would walk down to my Grandma’s house and pray with her during the day while my Mom was at work.  Prayer, more prayer, and then more prayer. 

When I think about this I think about Hannah the mother of Samuel the prophet.  Hannah’s womb was closed and thus it was believed she was not favored by God.  The scriptures say that year after year Hannah prayed.  She wept and prayed.  Her husband thought she was drinking too much wine because she wept so much.  I love this picture because who wouldn’t think she’s drunk?!  Poor Hannah she’s not favored by God and she’s actually mocked for it by her husband’s other wife. 

She kept praying though.  She didn’t give up.  The story doesn’t even hint at it.  The story doesn’t say how long she prayed either but I get the impression it was a good long while.  Certainly more than a summer’s worth of prayer.

I’m always encouraged by the story of Hannah for two reasons.  One is that she didn’t give up and in time God answered her prayers and gave her a son.  Her persistence paid off.  The second aspect of the story that speaks to me is that she followed through on her promise and gave Samuel back to the Lord. Can you imagine letting go of something you prayed so fervently for?

Obviously I can’t speak for God in this story but I think that Hannah’s persistence in prayer was honored because she had the right intentions.  She was praying for something worthy.  God burdened her with a desire for a child and despite being mocked and probably feeling like a fool for her persistence she pressed on. 

That’s a faith I used to have more than I do now.  I believed that if I was praying for the things God burdened me to pray about I would see the fruit.  Was my faith more childlike when my friend Tricia had her accident?  Certainly it was because I was just eleven years old.  What’s sad 32 years later is that I’ve seen so many other testimonies that God is faithful to hear our prayers and yet I’m willing to give up.  My faith should be stronger not weaker.

I’m not proud of this especially because I’m happy to tell you that while Tricia’s life is not an easy one she is alive and thriving in so many ways.  She has a wonderful loving husband, friends, family, and fairly good health.  She’s a blessing to everyone who knows her and living proof that God is faithful to hear our prayers and respond.

Maybe you’re like me and you need a reminder to hang in there.  If that’s the case I can relate and tell you I’m weary too but hang in there!  Let my dear friend Tricia be a reminder to you just like she is to me of the power of persistent prayer.

A few weeks back a good friend of mine lent me a strong shoulder to cry on.  At the time I remember my friend telling me it was okay to let it out - to go ahead and cry.  I’d been crying for hours before my friend even arrived at my doorstep and then all of a sudden I had a hard time with letting go of anymore tears.

Today this same friend could see that I was troubled about some things and asked me what was up and I held back.  I wouldn’t fully express my thoughts and feelings.  I glossed over them in my normal style.  With a smiling face and a few nods of my head saying out loud, “I’m okay I just have a lot on my mind.” I shared a little but not much.  I know my friend didn’t buy it but the issue wasn’t pushed.    

I’ve been thinking a lot lately about what keeps me from expressing my real thoughts and feelings and one issue for me is that I let other people’s ideas about grief, in particular, define mine.  The irony is that I try very hard not to do this to people.  I’ve long believed that everyone grieves in a different way and that there aren’t any rules for grief.  

How is it then that I keep dismissing my own?  When I think about my life experience I feel blessed on the one hand and on the other I have heartbreak that I struggle with.  I don’t think my heartbreaks and disappointments are greater than other people’s but why do I think they are less?  Why don’t I allow myself room to grieve.

One reason is that I think people are sick of my grief.  I have this idea in my head that my friends and family are tired of me being sad and so I “soldier up” and put my smiling face on even though it’s one very fake and phony smile.  I remember once thinking to myself if only someone could see that while I’m smiling my heart is still bleeding. 

This thought adds to another reason why I hide my feelings and that’s because they are messy.  Bleeding feelings are messy.  Not many people like to get messy and so I don’t want to bleed all over anyone and yet sometimes I just can’t stop.  I’ll internalize my thoughts and feelings for so long and then a small little cut opens up a vein.  It’s not good.  This is a vicious cycle because if I could let my feelings out as I’m experiencing them versus bottling them up maybe when I get nicked everything wouldn’t gush out. 

Unfortunately, I think I’ve let the world’s thinking about grief shape my own too much.  In the world today we are taught to move on.  Something wounds you deeply and you’re allowed to take a look at it for a while and then you have to move on for the sake of expediency.  Life is worth living right?  Not grieving!

The scriptures don’t support this way of thinking.  If you take a look at just the Psalms seventy percent of them are laments.  King David repeatedly faced loss, disappointment, and death but he didn’t avoid, deny, or gloss over those difficulties. 

David wept because he cared.  To David life mattered and when something wasn’t right it grieved him deeply.  He was willing and able to bring his attention to the things in life that brought him sorrow.  David prayed through his distress sharing it with God and others.    

I once read that, “Pain entered into, accepted, and owned can become poetry.” (Eugene Peterson) Certainly the Psalms offer us the use of poetry to describe grief in the laments King David wrote.  Grief like a great poem requires that we take our time with it.  We have to live through and experience every word, phrase, and idea.  Grief offers the context we need to compare our experiences and relate to one another. 

Loss is not private because the way we deal with it makes us people capable of loving others.  If I can’t learn how to grieve openly how can I possibly minister to anyone?  How I can I bear anyone’s burdens if I’ve never experienced my own?  How can I hope that someone will lighten their load by sharing if I’m unwilling to share?

Yes, I have no doubt lots of people are ready for me to move on.  They want me to be happy and free from grief and while I like that thought myself that’s not how life works.   Life is messy and it doesn’t clean up all by itself in a nice efficient way within a certain timeframe.  We all might like to hope it does but that is foolish thinking. 

Minimizing the realities of loss, death, failures, and disappointments in the end limits your potential to live and love.  These are the very things we seek but then find elude us when we are unwilling to admit our despair.  Life is worth both living and grieving and the tension between the two is where our soul strength is built and used to minister to others. 

I was sharing with a friend the other day the very clear message that God continues to give me which is to wait, watch, and let hope manifest itself.  It prompted a conversation between us about the nature of hope and what it brings in a person’s life.

Hope is the feeling that what is desired is possible.  It’s an elusive feeling that urges you on.  It’s the feeling that says, “Don’t give up.”  Hope is the optimistic belief that tomorrow can mark a new beginning making it one of God’s most abiding gifts. 

Hope for a Christian is based on the belief that God is actively involved in the life of his creation.  It reflects a confidence that God provides the meaning and conclusions to our life.  Hope embraces the belief that God can do all things.

Hoping is not a passive activity.  In fact, I think it’s just the opposite!  If you believe for what can happen in the future you must carry on through the present.  It is, afterall, the only way you’ll get to that place you’re hoping to be.

Getting through the present is so much easier when you can let go of the past.  Letting go doesn’t mean we don’t learn from the past it means we don’t dwell in it.  Hope offers a new dwelling place.  It is a place where we can re-imagine our lives in the light of God’s love for us. 

I have to admit that I struggle with this because so many of the pictures in my mind are painful.  It’s very hard for me to envision a life different than the one I’ve lived especially in the area of relationships.  I don’t know what healthy looks like.  Intellectually I get it but emotionally I don’t know how it looks or feels. 

I tend to fear things I can’t picture or have never experienced.  I don’t think is uncommon.  Fear of the unknown is generally recognized as something many people deal with.  Unfortunately fear builds a barricade of self protection around our hearts and minds.   Self-protection, however much we’re encouraged to do it, is actually false protection. 

When you build a wall around your heart or close your mind to new ways of thinking the light can’t get through.  You’re protected from the harsh elements of life but you cannot live and grow without light.  If you put a plant in a closet for even just a week it will wither.  The longer the plant stays hidden it will eventually die.

It’s understandable that any of us would want to hide from the harsh realities of life.   The problem is that if you’re hiding the things in life that you desperately need like love, joy, peace, kindness, trust and intimacy will not grow.  In fact they will never take root.

Living life behind the barricade of self-protection is not a dwelling place of hope.  It’s a place where we say that God’s love is not bigger than our hurt.  His provision is not greater than our need.  His protection is not enough to keep us safe.  Avoiding future pain kills any hope you have.  Self-preservation is a very dangerous lie that we buy into. 

The scriptures offer the encouragement we need.  While you might not be able to picture your desired future the Word of God says it is out there. 

“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.”  -Jeremiah 29:11

 “There is surely a future hope for you and your hope will not be cut off.”  Proverbs 23:18

“Even youths grow tired or weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength.  They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.”  -Isaiah 40:30-31

God has a future worth exploring for all of us if we can stop hiding from it.  Ask the Holy Spirit to start chipping away at your barricades so that you can live in the light of His wide-open love.   

To talk about change and not to do it is to teach people to treat your statements lightly.” 

- Phil McGraw

Can you believe I just quoted Dr. Phil?  I don’t actually watch the show but someone sent this to me and I thought it spoke volumes.    I couldn’t agree more and I don’t want to be guilty of this in my life.  Do you?  Are you all talk and no follow through?  I’m working on it.  I don’t like being treated lightly.  I also don’t want to be double minded.  To say one thing and do another allows for too much confusion in your life.

“Simply let your ‘Yes’ be ‘Yes’ and your ‘No’, ‘No’; anything beyond this comes from the evil one.”  Matthew 5:37

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.  But when he asks, he must believe and not doubt, because he who doubts is like a wave of the sea, blown and tossed by the wind.  That man should not think he will receive anything from the Lord; he is a double-minded man, unstable in all he does.”

Every time I sat down in the last ten days to write I was interrupted.  You know the phrase, “If it wasn’t one thing it was another.”  Not only was I feeling frustrated but I felt so behind.  My type “A” personality doesn’t like feeling behind.  It’s a challenge for me when the agenda I have in my mind of what I want to happen within a certain timeframe doesn’t. 

Please don’t get the picture that my life is ruled by a timeline or schedule.  That’s not the case.  I just try to spend a certain amount of time everyday focused on things I value versus the stuff in life that you just have to get done whether you like it or not.  I don’t want activity to rule my life I want my values to rule it.  There’s a difference. 

Think about it.  If in any given day you haven’t allowed time for let’s say prayer, reading scripture, and being still with the Lord you can’t expect to grow spiritually.  Just the same if you don’t spend any time nurturing relationships with your family you can’t expect to have much connection with the people you love.  Relationships require a commitment of time and energy.  It’s safe to say that a person makes time for the things that they value and are committed to.

Of course there’s always room for improvement.  I’m not perfect at living my life with all my priorities properly ordered but I really try and I see the fruit from it.   The bigger struggle for me is allowing time for and embracing the unexpected things that God might have planned for me.  I call these, “divine appointments”.   Divine appointments typically come up at unexpected times and quite often when you are busy and focused on other things and maybe even resent the interruption.

Let me give you an example.  I’m rushing around the other day and one of the stops I need to make is at the supermarket.  As I’m checking out the clerk (a lady I’m friendly with) starts to share with me some very difficult things she’s going through.  She’s pouring her heart out and I realize that this conversation is going to take some time.  In my head I’m struggling because I want to listen, offer any advice I can, and be a friend but I also want to move on. 

I’m happy to say that I didn’t.  I stopped, I listened, and I encouraged this friend.  It was sincere.  I heard what she was telling me and I could relate to it and I offered the words of encouragement God put in my mind and I hope that it meant something to her in the end.  I walked away a little bit behind schedule on the “To Do List” but instead of feeling like something would have to be dropped from the list I felt like I could add something.  I was able to add a divine appointment to the list.  It was an appointment where I think both people involved felt blessed. 

Henri Nouwen once wrote, “I used to get upset about all the interruptions to my work until one day I realized that the interruptions were my real work.”  When I read these words I’m reminded of Simon of Cyrene who just happened upon the mob following Jesus while he carried his cross to Golgotha.

Jesus had been beaten beyond recognition and was still being forced to carry his own cross.  He was not going to make it when the Roman guards in the crowd spotted Simon, a man who looked able, and conscripted him for the task.  The Bible doesn’t tell us much other than that Simon was an innocent bystander in an unfolding drama.  Some would say he was in the wrong place at the wrong time.

Others would say it was a divine appointment.  I would venture to say that by the end of the journey and after he had witnessed firsthand the crucifixion that Simon wasn’t feeling persecuted by the inconvenience but instead privileged. 

To carry the cross of Christ on His way to be crucified, die, and be buried for our sins would be an honor not a burden.  It was indeed an interruption and certainly an inconvenience but when Jesus rose from the dead can you imagine how Simon of Cyrene felt?  It had to be that feeling of being blessed by something beyond your own imagination. 

This illustration might feel a bit dramatic compared to an encounter in the supermarket.  I’ll grant you that.  It does prove a point though.  As believers our lives have to allow room for the opportunities that might come our way to bear one another’s burdens.  It’s a privilege not an interruption.  At the end of the day it is something to add to your list of successes not the things you didn’t get done. 

“Carry each other’s burdens, and in this way you will fulfill the law of Christ.”  Galatians 6:2  

The anniversary of my stepmother’s death is approaching.  I remember this day every year because it is written in my Bible along with other important dates.  As a kid I always wondered why they had those pages in the front of a Bible that you could record special dates on.  I could appreciate wanting to remember happy occasions but sad ones – why would you want to?

In my adult life these dates have become important reminders to me.  I don’t dwell on them but I do reflect on them and try to remember what God has taught me through loss.  When suffering touches our own life or the lives of family members and friends we have so many questions. 

Troubles and suffering shape our view of God and form the basis of our questions and assumptions about Him.  It’s inevitable.  What is also inevitable is that these questions and assumptions will be glibly responded to by people.  We are a culture that has an answer for everything. 

I know in my life one of the comments that drives me crazy is, “God never gives you more than you can handle”.  I really hate that one and I try to politely respond when and if I hear it but honestly it makes me scream inside. 

When I was helping my Father care for my stepmother this kind of comment was offensive.  If you have ever cared for someone whose body has been ravaged by cancer, chemotherapy, and radiation treatments you might know what I mean.   War is waged on cancer in this country and for some the treatment is worse than the disease.   To say in circumstances like this, or in the face of any other suffering, that God never gives you more than you can handle is completely absurd. 

I know where people get this idea and certainly believe that God’s mercy, grace, and provision can exceed any need we might have.  I can’t speak for other people of course, but I know that I’ve been allowed to experience more than I can handle too many times and it’s what keeps me on my knees before God. 

Nobody has to convince me that suffering is the tool God uses to help us need him more.  I’ve been there and I’ve stood beside others in their suffering and seen firsthand what it means to be desperate for God.   God is always bigger to those who need him the most.   

In those hours of need, however, it can be a struggle to hear God.  Sometimes your suffering can drown out the voice of God.  What you are feeling and experiencing is so overwhelming that you just don’t hear Him.   Add to that the idea that God’s voice typically comes in a whisper and will not drown out the voice of man then it becomes a real challenge to remember God’s promises.  Sadly, we tend to remember what man says to us more than God. 

This is why it absolutely essential to rehearse the truth in your mind and remember that God is with you even if you can’t feel it, see it, hear it or touch it.  You might not feel close but that doesn’t mean He is far away.  Your feelings don’t determine his proximity.  God knows you’ve got more than you can handle and that is exactly why He is right at your side. 

Just like God was with Joshua in the challenges of war that he faced He is with you.  He told Joshua, “As I was with Moses, so I will be with you; I will never leave you nor forsake you” and He didn’t.  (Joshua 1:5) Why would it be any different for you?  If you’re a believer living in the world today you are contending for the future just as much as Joshua was.  Your battles are as daunting as Joshua’s and the Lord is with you and will never leave you nor forsake you.

 “A bruised reed He will not break, and a smoldering wick he will not snuff out.” – Isaiah 42:3

“But the eyes of the Lord are on those who fear him, on those whose hope is in his unfailing love, to deliver them from death and keep them alive in famine.”  –Psalm 34:18

-19“I know that the Lord secures justice for the poor and upholds the cause of the needy.  –Psalm 140:12